I figure if I write the babble flowing through my head out into a blog where one other person might read half a sentence of what I am writing, I may be more inclined to following through with what the chattering voices in my head keep urging me to do.
First off, let me say F*ck you coffee. Coffee became my addiction replacement when I was told to 86 the sugar in my life. This time of year I am under an unbelievable amount of stress at work. Add that to the liquid stress I am consuming approximately 3 times a day and the result is that I bit my lips and the insides of my cheeks. It sounds gross, and my lips end up looking all chapped and scary.
I believe that I have some sort of gluten allergy or intolerance. It can go hand in hand with hypothyroidism. Unfortunately, I was never actually tested, but looking back, whenever I take in a lot of breads or grains, my body just craps out. No matter how many vitamins I take or how healthy I am being otherwise, if there is bread or non vegetable related carbs involved, my body’s immune system is for shit.
Therefore, I’ve had enough. I am tired of creating excuses for why I can not eliminate sugar and gluten and coffee. I have come a long way, yes, but I still have so much further to go.
I know the basis for all of this stems from my inward battle that I play with myself regarding what I deserve. I deserve better is my new motto but only half of me believes and so only half of the things I set out to accomplish come together gracefully.
I proclaim that starting right now (not later, not tonight, not tomorrow) I am getting rid of the garbage (again). No more coffee and extremely limited amounts of sugar and gluten.
P.S. Maybe I should hop on a bike soon…with the 40 mile ride in May and the 100 in June and all… Gulp!