Scattered

I don’t buy into a lot of beliefs. In particular, I don’t believe in horoscopes and astrological signs. I do however acknowledge the coincidence that I can relate to the duality and fickleness often associated with a gemini.

It’s amusing to me that I function at work and in my personal life in the same fashion. At work I constantly have too much on my plate. I’m always overwhelmed. I can break my job functions down into general administrative, executive administrative, registered financial sales assistant and accounting. I have priorities in each area and often times priorities clash and I sometimes feel as though I don’t know where to start first. I’m extremely efficient and am a great multi-tasker. However, I get stressed out too easily and that often results in choas.

I operate similarly with everything I want to accomplish or do in my life and this is a constant frustration to me. All of these “to do” items floating around in an informal checklist in my head and I can’t put them in any kind of logical filing system. I jump from moment to moment and never know what will excite me next. It’s usually the same things I want over and over just jumbled up and in no sequential order for recurring purposes. I want to get more into photography, writing, music, figure skating, etc. The ideas surrounding each one vary and get more detailed with time. Money and time are two factors that play a role and I have little control over either at the moment.

I’ve changed a lot these last few years and patience is definately one area I still need to work on. I’m used to being focused on a final product or getting to a figurative “finish line”. I think part of my problem is that I can’t see a finish line right now because I don’t know exactly what my goals are. I need to stop worrying about end results and just live for today. I know how cheesy and cliche that sounds, but look at where autopilot has gotten me thus far. Sure, I’ve learned I can survive hell, but I don’t feel as though I’ve actually accomplished much. I was always a quitter. I don’t want to quit anymore.

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